POEM: As A Child, I Wanted To Be

As A Child, I Wanted To Be

When I was young,
I used to think,
My hands were good,
To clean the sink,
but now I think,
I’m so much more,
than being someone,
you can adore,
a chore,
some more,
like painting,
art, history, and things,
when I was young,
I thought my chore,
was showing you,
because you couldn’t see the door,
of opportunity or leaving,
instead of giving and receiving,
i heard your heart bleeding,
majored in psychology,
in my mixology,
mistakes and pornography,
co-dependency and independency,
majoring wrong because I didn’t know right,
full of fright and spite and might,
psychology bored me,
i just knew that you and I were wrong,
fixing me a pleasure,
easing your pain was my life,
no spice just nice,
so wrong and not right,
counseling is toxic,
my child didn’t know better,
psychology non-inspired me,
English challenged me,
but diagonal thinking,
upside down family,
sideways joints,
and flip flopped envy,
subsided when I taught students.

Fulfilling and interesting,
creative and fun,
loving not fixing,
finding joy in the above,
like a dove of peace,
life finds a way to say,
fluttering it’s wings noisily,
“continue to love what’s you!”
I encouraged and I cared for,
I enjoyed the creation of teaching,
Fulfilled the longing children’s faces,
Played games, water balloons, and grammar,
Organization, planning, and learning,
controlling, functioning, and blooming.

If I were 18 again,
I would tell myself to listen well,
to the voice inside that knew,
the desires for creation,
the love of children and people,
teaching interesting subjects,
facing fears better than hiding,
fulfillment better than holding on to it,
and I’d tell her DON’T do it again,
but Mom didn’t tell me,
she failed to help me see,
my desires within about life,
to inspire me about myself,
to tell my child she could be anything,
struggling to understand what was wrong,
to live and breathe in what was right,
pushing my might to towards my unknown self,
majoring in psychology,
sleeping through my books,
understanding certain looks,
majoring in rolling joints and heartache.

At 38, I know myself more now,
20 years later and counting,
so I’ve heard from countless others before me,
NOW I know me,
NOW I’m wise and can see,
that silly choice,
that dirty mistake,
those Psychology classes,
practically failed enough to retake!

Goodbye Social Work,
Hello to my life,
no more strife, and unkindness,
but hello to me and the sunshine of goodness,
small business,
teaching students,
selling cute clothing,
holding art classes.

Go hold your own hand,
I take this stand,
that I’m not your mother, your sister, or brother,
I’m Nowelle and I want to live,
back off and let me breathe,
take your blame and shove it,
take your recovery and flaunt it,
recover and move on already,
I am heavy and beautiful!
I am lonely and fulfilled!
I am enjoying this poetry,
Although my legs are a bit chilled!

Off with the head of codependency and boredom,
Hello good people and choices,
my success, backyard pool and cat door!
Real estate ventures and Victorian houses,
plans for trips to cool places,
and my Hawaiian vacation with snorkeling included.

Nowelle (c)

—-

This poem is written in response to the daily prompt stating the following: Futures Past – As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? How close or far are you from that vision?. The prompt can be found at http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/futures-past/

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About Nowelle

I'm a Christan woman. I like many things such as my cat, my plants, my books, international and domestic travel, poetry, Bible studies, thrift stores, and cute clothes.
This entry was posted in Emotions, Flesh, issues, Life, Poem, rhymes, thoughts and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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